Hooked On Country

• Dog Poop On The Pillow Where Your Sweet Head Used To Be
• Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
• Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
• Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
• Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
• Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
• How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
• I Ain't Gone To Bed With No Ugly Women, But I Shore Woke Up With A Few
• I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
• I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
• I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
• I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
• I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
• I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
• I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
• I Wanna Whip Your Cow
• I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
• I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
• I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
• If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
• If I'd Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of The Pen By Now
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
• If My Nose Were Full Of Pennies, I'd Blow It All On You
• If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
• If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
• If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
• I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
• I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
• I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
• I'm The Only Hell My Mama Ever Raised
• I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You
• I've Got the Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
• Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
• My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
• My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
• My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
• She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
• She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
• She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
• She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles
• She's Looking Better After Every Beer
• Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
• They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
• When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
• You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
• You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
• You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
• You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

The Lone Ranger and Tonto gallop into town on a blisteringly hot afternoon.
They head into the saloon and order a couple of cold beers. A few minutes later a stranger walks into the saloon and asks
"Who owns the white stallion tied up outside?"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto follow the stranger outside and listen while he complains about Silver being all lathered and sweating. The Lone Ranger gives Tonto a sheet of stiff cardboard and tells him to run round Silver fanning him to cool him down. The Lone Ranger heads back into the saloon.
About 15 minutes later another stranger walks into the saloon and asks
"Who owns the white stallion tied up outside?"
The Lone Ranger is now fed up and asks the stranger what the problem is ... to which the stranger replies
"You've left your injun running"

What happens when you sing country and western music backwards?
You get your wife and your job back.

How many country and western singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to take out the old one and four to sing about how much they are going to miss it.